Uncle Chris, Tell Us a Story

This blog was started with a title...first fucking mistake. Second...I've two beers in and just opened a bottle of wine...there will be booze...I'm on vacation O_o If all goes as planned, this blog entry could be the longest I've ever created...no, not in word length...just that I plan on it still being on the screen when I'm ready to take all of you to bed with me. "There were ten in the bed and the little one said MOVE OVER! MOVER OVER!" Kinky as that sounds...I suspect this bottle of wine may have me asleep and, though any goddess might be able to take advantage of me...please do...I won't be of much use by the time it is done. Mark:  One Hour What can I say?  16:00 EST...I slipped off, perhaps, an hour early from work and am [Read more...]

The Serious Lesbian Librarian

I'm very rarely serious. This is a problem. I need help. I mean, seriously...well, that's enough of that. I broke a sweat after three seconds of attempting serious thought...key term is attempting as I didn't succeed. There are certain advantages to this. Generally, even though they are getting to the age where they try to hide it, I can make my kids laugh at the littlest things. Realistically, after this, all else is just gravy as there is nothing like hearing your child giggle at something you did. As a flirting technique, humour is second to none. Once the goddess is smiling, it is not likely she'll say 'no'. It is, however, my burden to keep this super power in check as much as I applaud the raising of the skirt...I remember The [Read more...]

American Thanksgiving Traditions for the Non American

As is my tradition, I am taking a few days off this week coinciding with US Thanksgiving. Slight difference, this time in that I have to go to a pub in order to watch football on Thursday. I do not have cable nor satellite at the house, so off into the great wild I will wander. On Friday I will also watch the only film I traditionally watch every year...best Christmas movie ever...Die Hard. Nothing gets me into the holiday spirit like watching John McLane in bare feet gun down bad thieves posing as terrorists. Only difference between this film and 9/11 is that we don't know who the thieves were in 2001. Also, Alan Rickman was a much better actor than George W. Bush. As it goes, I'll watch Argyle running up the mobile phone bill as he [Read more...]

Glee

I knew that one day I would completely turn into my father...I just didn't expect it to be over Glee. Had my daughters last eve and as we are driving home to their house "Jump" by Van Halen comes on my cd player...a live version I have with Hagar providing vocals as opposed to the original Roth version. My eldest, from the back seat, gleefully proclaims (pun completely intended), "THIS SONG IS FROM GLEE!" *facepalm* I used to make fun of those silly kids that thought the quote "No one expects the Spanish Inquisition!" came from some rock band and not Monty Python...and yet here I sat, with the actual band that wrote the tune playing in the background, correcting my daughter. "Honey, this song isn't from Glee.  Glee ripped it out of the [Read more...]

Network of Social Flaws

So a guy sets up a web poll to decide the fate of his unborn child... Doesn't sound as funny as a joke about walking into a bar, but this is reality television, folks. Was listening to a replay of a radio discussion from yesterday with my AM 640 Toronto morning guy, John Oakley, and the American punk from Minnesota who has the a fore mentioned website. I am all for pro choice on such things. I don't like it as a birth control, but better that than an ill-treated, unwanted child. Besides, unless the child involved is mine, it is not for me to decide. However, this is the social networking generation and it seems we have finally found a way to trivialize the basic concepts. Choose life or death with a simple click of the mouse...and don't [Read more...]

The Half Time Experience

Football half time was only meant for one thing. No...not beer...that's what the first two quarters are for.  No...not nachos...ditto on the timing of beer. Half time is the point of the football game when the goddess tries to distract you and get you not to watch the rest of the game. Now, this depends on a wide number of factors...who's playing...the score...whether or not she likes football...how much beer the dude has had...her fellatio skills... Although, were I a complete ass, I would say that fellatio should not distract a true football guy's attention from the game.  Of course, it all depends on his torso size and the couple's positioning as to whether or not he can see past her bobbing head...but this hardly seems fair to be an [Read more...]

Dull

Didn't want to get up this morning...the doberman finally got me moving with his incessant whining...haven't quite got him trained to feed himself, yet. Call it a hunch but today will be the last day of double digit temps for awhile...ten degree swing (in Celsius) just on the highs between today and tomorrow and they're calling for only about 3 C tomorrow.  The fall is at that point where it has officially become dull...not in the boredom, hum drum sort of way...more in the rainy, overcast and yuck kind of way. BRING ON THE SNOW!  And no more of this pansy shit dusting that is here in the morning and gone by mid afternoon.  I want a good 5 or 10 cms.  The type that you actually have to kick your boots off before getting in the car [Read more...]