Oral With Smoke and Mirrors

On a Saturday morning it is still dark and yet I am awake in this big half-empty bed. Or is it half-full? Or do I need new jokes as I have used this one too often? I recall the last time I woke up next to a woman I took that opportunity to wake her by rolling over and sliding …

Surge of the Mind

Thought I would try something different today. There will be no editing…no spell cheque (aren’t we Canucks cute with our random ‘u’ placemeunt?)…and I have about 30 minutes to complete today’s Wank Wednesday and Wanton Wednesday work. A surge of thought must come. …anytime now. …will happen soon. …oh look, peanuts. Yeah, this isn’t going to work. Opposite of the …

The Family Carlin

I introduced my eldest daughter to George Carlin this weekend. Before anyone panics…there is a lot of material Carlin put out that soon-to-be 12 year olds simply are not ready for. We introduced her using his take on the difference between football (American style) and baseball. Hilarious but, by his standards, clean. In about six months, might look at introducing …

Sex is Comedy

Made a discovery last night and this morning. Humour is the one thing that would sell better than sex.  Problem is, not many can do good humour…sex is, actually, much easier. We can all have sex, right?  Masturbate or with partner(s)…but we can all do it.  Thanks to religious stigmas that want humans to never feel pleasure unless by “God’s” …

What To Yell During Sex

Most people yell, “Oh God!”

I take exception to this, being a born again atheist.

Even “Oh Zeus!” has a bit of a ‘I don’t think so’ ringing in my mind.

“Oh mama!” even has just a touch of stigma to it. Enough, that I wouldn’t yell it.

So, what to yell, what to yell?

“I’m cumming” seems too obvious. “Oh God, I’m cumming”…don’t get me started.

Also amazing how phrases like, “Fuck me now, bitch!” tend to turn people off.

What about “Holy Harry Potter!” No…that just sounds gay.

This atheist thing makes it difficult. Scary thing is, someone reading this has actually asked this, whether to themselves or even stated…as a serious question.

Who the hell cares what you scream in thanks. Fuck each other and enjoy.

…and regardless of what you believe, don’t scream out Lawrence Welk’s name. That’s just fucking silly.

“If you’re willing to swallow cum, let’s not make believe something I said was disgusting. Okay?”
– George Carlin, Feminist Blowjob

Cold Lips

I was going to talk about the cold again, but I’m Canadian, I can take it. Instead, I want to write about something explicit…and am currently filling out the first paragraph so that those on FB with virgin eyes don’t have to read it. “”hey, which one of you cute little cupcakes wants to come home and cook me a …

Religious Bashing 101

‘Bout time I did more of this. I’ve been listening to Jon Stewart’s “Earth:  A Visitor’s Guide” the last few days…listened to it twice, actually, and beyond laughing, it has me thinking on how the larger con artists…better known as religious leaders…have basically hijacked our cultures. Usual disclaimer goes first here…I’m no atheist.  I practice something of a bastardization of …

Interdenominational Carlin

Today is the Santa Claus parade in these here parts. Being I have a horse involved in this, we’re loading her up shortly. During this parade, I will proudly trundle along, shovel in hand, behind said horse…well, proud-ish. I’m also guessing that the part of Santa will not be played by Tim Allen…and, next to Die Hard, that first “The …