Best Jealous Rage Ever!

Gray awoke with a pounding head. “Oh fuck, too much fucking beer.” Rubbing his eyes, his bare feet slipped off the bed and rested on the floor. His muscular body was bare except a pair of black briefs.

The blinds kept the room darker in spite of the bright noon sun outside. Birds chirped and a breeze could be heard whipping tree branches against the building.

He looked at me. “Couldn’t you at least have me wake up with a cute redhead or something?”

“Not my fault you drank so much.”

“Yes, it fucking is. You write this shit. I don’t even remember drinking anything last night.” He slowly lifted himself to his feet and steadied himself against the wall. “In fact, I don’t remember any last nights since you wrote me into that story two weeks ago.”

“You drank a lot. Not sure any of my characters have ever had that much.”

The clink of empty beer cans made him jump as his foot kicked through his collection of empties.

Turning back to the bed and noticed a redheaded woman snoring softly. His smile appeared and he winked at me. “Thanks, dude,” he said in a whisper.

“You’re welcome.”

“Should I make her coffee or something?” His blue eyes glanced around the room as though his answer would be written on the walls somewhere.

“You know how to make coffee?”

His eyes rolled and he slowly made his way out into the hall and to the kitchen. He added water to the coffee machine and waited as the pot filled with the black liquid. “Do I fucking know how to make coffee?” He poured out two mugs, added some milk from a pink carton in the refrigerator and some sugar and stirred each. Carefully steadying himself he made the return trek down the hall.

The redhead was sitting up. She smiled as her green eyes saw the steaming cups in his hands. “Good morning, big boy,” she said in a soft low voice. Her hair fell over her left shoulder and covered her left breast.

“Good morning.”

She stood up and took both cups from him. A quick sip from one before putting them on the dresser.

Gray’s mind screamed at me. “What’s her name?”

“How are you feeling?” She stood eye to eye with him in height. Her arms wrapped around his neck and her naked pale body pressed hard against him.

His erection immediately responded and stretched his briefs. His eyes squinted for a second as he realized his headache was gone. “I’m good,” he whispered and kissed her deeply as though he would inhale her. “What the fuck is her name?”

“With how much we drank, neither of us were much use last night,” she whispered in his ear. Her right hand slipped off his neck and gave his erection a good hard squeeze through his shorts. “I’m hungry.”

Gray’s smile widened as he watched her sit on the bed and pull down his briefs. His erection sprang up, smacking her in the chin and giving both a laugh. “Come on, dude…what’s her name?”

Her lips kissed the tip of his penis before parting and allowing her tongue to run all over it. Taking the length in her hand to move it out of her way, her tongue moved lower and toyed with his balls.

“See, dude, I love it when you write this stuff for me…but please, for the love of Mike, tell me her fucking name!”

Her hands continued to play with his balls as her mouth returned to his erection.

Gray sighed and closed his eyes. “Fuck, yeah,” he whispered.

Then I got bored.

“FUCK!” Gray screamed as his eyes blazed open.

The redhead was gone.

He now stood there naked with his shorts around his ankles and his erection being sucked by air.

In the background, just to fuck with him more, Peter Gabriel suddenly yelled out “I wanna be your sledgehammer…” to the approving roar of the crowd who caught the performance.

“FUCK! I hate that song!”

I laughed. “I know.”

“Where did she go?”


His hands flailed in front of her showing the empty space in front of him. “Her…the redhead. The ginger that was giving the fantastic head.”

“I thought her hair was more amber than red, but…”

“I don’t fucking care what shade her hair was, what did you do with her?”

“I decided she didn’t exist.”

His mouth moved with no sound as though he were chewing the air. Finally his brain kicked in with words, “WHAT THE FUCK! She was amazing at the blowjob.”

“You mean Amber?”

Gray shrugged.

“That was her name. You kept asking me to tell you.”

“I don’t care now. Why did you take her away?”

“Sorry, was getting a bit jealous.”

“How…? What…?”

“Yeah, decided that I wanted her to do it to me, so she’s here while I’m writing this. And you’re right, she’s fantastic.”


“Yeah, what’s your problem?”

“But I…”

“You, my friend, are a figment of my imagination. Deal with it.”

His face was beat red as he sat on the bed where the redhead had once existed. “I’m not playing this fucking game. I have rights!” He shook his fist at me.

“No you don’t,” I said with a chuckle.

Gray screamed as the scalding hot coffee fell off the dresser and into his naked lap.

“See,” I said. “I own you.”

Gray whimpered, “Fuck you, man. Fuck you.”

“Do you want the hangover back?”

“No, dude. Just once why can’t you write me into a nice story where it isn’t screwed up? Just once, can’t I have the girl?”

“What fun would that be?”

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